Annena Aikins

2010 A New Beginning

This time last year, I sent out a Year-End check list of things people can do during the Holiday Season to get things ready for the New Year.  It was mostly comprised of doing activities to get organized, cleaning out closets, etc.  So this year I am sending out a new list but instead of cleaning out stuff I am focusing on getting OUR LIVES in order.

Like a lot of people 2009 was extremely hard for me and my life has changed in several different ways that I did not expect.  However, I am still here, still standing and have learned that I am stronger, wiser and better for the challenges that I have faced. 

I have heard people say that you learn what you are made of when you go through trials and tribulations.  You also learn what is important to you in this life and what truly makes you happy (and on the flip side what doesn’t make you happy).

So, I have compiled this list based on the question – “Am I Living My Best Life?”  I hope you will take time to read it, reflect and actually do a few of these items in your quiet time during the Holidays.

Enjoy, Merry Christmas and I wish you a FABULOUS 2010!

1. Take 15 – 30 minutes of quiet time just to reflect on the things you are thankful for and the people who have blessed your life.  After your quiet time, make a list of the people who are a blessing and call them one by one and tell them how they have affected your life in a positive way and how you appreciate them.  Don’t take this activity for granted – that person may need to hear what you have to say right at that very moment.

2. Life is short and too precious to waste it on people and activities that do not “add to” and enhance our lives.  We all are guilty of doing things like watching too much TV or entertaining people that we really do not like because they are not good for us.  Make a list, check it twice and start cutting down on those activities and cut out those people.

3. Have you given back, unselfishly to a worthy cause, a charity or a church this year?  If so great, if not – then hurry up there is still time.  In this age, people want compensation for everything!   Let us not forget our true nature to help and to give through unselfish acts of kindness.  If you are not sure what you should do, I would like to suggest that you donate to a food bank.  They have been hit really hard during a time when their need for food has increased.   So, I challenge you to clean out your pantries or go shopping and gather some can goods and non perishable packages of foods and deliver them down to the local food bank.   Follow this link to find a local food bank.

4. Develop a good working budget for next year that includes paying off debt and saving.  It is time to stop living in bondage – by using credit cards and borrowing.  You will find yourself working your whole life to pay back someone else and never being able to pay yourself.  Start by saving at least 5% - 10% of your income for YOU.  The easiest way is to set up direct deposit and then it is done.  Then review your debt and commit to start knocking it out.  You work hard every day – enjoy the fruits of your labor!

5. Do you always complain that you are too fat, or you hate your job, etc?  Well, if you do not like something in your life or about yourself then you have the power to change it!  Start with a plan and then implement it.  Get healthy, go back to school so you can change your career – do something, or stop complaining! 

a. If your problem is a little deeper like feeling depressed, HATING the way you look, or having low self-esteem – sometimes the answer is not a physical one but an internal one.  For some people no amount of “physical” fixing can help them feel better about themselves when the problem is a mental, emotional or even spiritual.  Often you will find the answer by looking inward.  You will be amazed at doing things like meditating, renewing your relationship with God, joining church or getting counseling can make all the difference in the world.  Decide to be healthy and go get the help you need to make a change.

6. Get back to the basics and learn how to manage your time and responsibilities better.  We are so overloaded with stuff that it is impossible to do everything.   So, maybe it is time to cut out the complicated and make things as simple as possible.  Like learning how to keep your house clean by cleaning as you go, so you do not spend a whole day cleaning.  Zen Habits is a great blog about ways to live simply, check it out.

7. Do more of what makes you happy.  Get out your brand new 2010 calendars and set aside time for you before plugging in meetings and appointments.  Include time for exercising, family activities, spiritual renewal and FUN!  Start planning your vacations now!  You work hard, so take time to play hard!

8. Do you have a dream unfulfilled?  It is never too late – dig out your old guitar, call some of your old band buddies and start up your old band.  Go down to the neighborhood theater and audition for the next play.  Enroll in that dance class at the community college.  Take your shoe budget and start saving it for that European vacation that you have always wanted (You have enough shoes anyway).  Visit the local Small Business Development Center to learn how to write a business plan for your coffee shop.  The point is dreaming about something is not going to make it happen.  Start moving in the direction of you dream with baby steps and you will gain momentum as you go.   If you give up on your goals, they will remain unfulfilled.

9. Stop running from your fears.   You will find that big ugly monster is not so scary once you turn around and face him head-on.  Running never solves anything and your fears will never leave you unless you deal with them.  You have to decide to no longer allow things and people control your life and prevent you from doing what you want to do.  Problems will only go away if you work to resolve them.  Diseases do not go away on their own – you have to treat them and battle them to be healed. 

10. Believe in yourself.  For most people it takes hard work to overcome obstacles and challenges.  Consistent believing and “doing” will lead you to the victory that you desire, over your situation.  An athlete must train daily to become the best at his/her sport.  However, physical ability alone will not help that athlete become the victor.  They also have to train mentally as well, to win.  In the sport of boxing, you often hear people talk about how they can tell who is going to win by looking in the boxer’s eyes.  If there is any sign of fear or doubt, the boxer doesn’t have a chance.  Believe that you can conquer the mountain before you, no matter how big it is.  If you believe in yourself you will find that you can conquer Mount Everest by going over it, around it or through it.

Thanks for reading this list; I hope it helps you start 2010 off right.  You should also add to this list on your own.  Think about the goals and aspirations for the New Year.  Think about changes that you want to make in your life and start working on them.

Blessings!

Annena Aikins

25 Ways to Tell if You are Mentally Stuck on Stupid

Mentally stuck on stupid is a general way to say someone is full of self-doubt, depressed and lack motivation.  Life is not as rich as it once was and dreams, desires and goals seem unobtainable.  For this person, who moves around with a gray cloud overhead, the easiest tasks are hard to complete. Though he or she does not have any physical problems, they just can’t seem to find the drive to progress in life.  A person, who was once full of life and thriving, just gives up and wastes away.

Sometimes it is hard to realize that you may be stuck, check out some of the signs:

1. Every entry in your diary says the same thing – “I am so miserable.”

2. You and your friends get together to play Top This, competing to see who is worse off – “you think that is bad, well top this – “I did not get out of bed for a week and my family did not know I was at home.”

3. You favorite phrases are, I can’t, I’m confused, I don’t know and I don’t care.

4. Dressing up to you is putting on a clean pair of sweats.

5. Your mattress has a big dent in it that is the perfect mold of your body.

6. You looked in the mirror and did not recognize the person staring back at you.

7. Ben, Jerry and Godiva are your best friends.

8. When people call you in the middle of the day, you pretend that you were not sleep.

9. The last time you appeared in a family photo was three years ago.

10. You always intend to start your job search, tomorrow.

11. You do not have any favorite things – not a favorite song, color, actor, etc.

12. You have tried on more than one occasion to internally combust.

13. You are still mad at your Ex who broke your heart four years ago.

14. Your house is a mess and you have been there all day.

15. You were once the life of the party, but your friends no longer call you to go out.

16. Your list of negative things about yourself is three times longer than the positive list.

17. Your children cook their own meals and check their own homework.

18. Exercise, what? Maybe a walk to the front of the house and back to your room.

19. Sweets and junk food don’t give you a buzz anymore, but you still eat them anyway.

20. Getting out of the house is a trip to Wal-Mart.

21. You spouse just looks at you and shake his or her head.

22. Primetime news makes you cry.

23. Your alcohol receipts exceed your food costs.

24. People see you on the street and don’t recognize you anymore.

25. You don’t know what day it is.

Liberate Yourself - the power of intention

If you believe you can achieve.  Start walking towards your goal by taking one step at a time.

So I Quit My Day Job: Dear Boss You're Fired

What are you thankful for?

Every day that you wake is an opportunity to be thankful for something new.  We tend to say that we are thankful for what we have but often take things for granted.  We give a general thanks for our lives, for our loved ones and health but continue to move on with our days without really appreciating the unobvious things that bring us joy and make life easier.

Sometimes we get so accustomed to having certain things, that we really do not value them, until they are taken away.  

When was the last time you looked at the little things that you do or have that makes life a little easier?  I challenge you to take a few moments and look around to see the small things, then say thanks.  Here are a few things on my list:

1. I am thankful that I can take a full cleanse breath in my lungs.
2. I am thankful for having warm water to take a nice bath.
3. I am most thankful that my two fun loving sons are loud and run around tearing up my house (aggravating me).  They jump up and down on my furniture, scream, shout and karate chop each other – thank you!
4. I am thankful that I can see the beautiful flowers outside my door.
5. I am thankful for having a choice between spring, sparkling, or tap water.
6. I am thankful for my mother-in-law who washes the dishes every night, so I do not have to.
7. I am thankful that my mother can make a mean pot of white beans with smoked turkey. 
8. I am thankful for my husband, the workaholic for taking time to sit down with my oldest son to draw and share his collectable comic books.
9. I am thankful for having a wonderful daycare provider and teachers who take good care of my children.
10. I am thankful for being able to run up the stairs without getting winded.
11. I am thankful that I can still do cartwheels and the splits.
12. I am thankful that if I run out of milk, the Super Wal-Mart is less than a mile away.
13. I am thankful for Trader Joe’s Joe Joe’s natural vanilla cream cookies.

What are you thankful for?

Two Sides of the Mind

The mind is a two-sided coin; on one side are endless possibilities of dreams fulfilled and opportunities to reach amazing heights, if you just believe.

A place where words like power, courage and phenomenal live.  There are no constraints on this side of the coin, only life.

Passion for living flows like honey, dripping from of the mouths of those who desire to indulge.  Mountains that stand tall like jolly giants will be defeated and reduced to the size of pebbles by those who just believe.

Every day presents a chance to cross new oceans to reach new plateaus. 

On this side of the coin life is what you make it. 

The other side of the coin is a place of bondage, a dark place where fear, self-doubt and depression exist.  Like cancer they slowly work their way through the mind, killing everything until nothing is left. 

Being trapped in the confines of a mind that is paralyzed with fear creates a slow seeping insanity that eventually overtakes its victim. 

Chants of “I wonder” and “only if” ring over and over again on this side of the mind until it gives in to silence.

Old dreams are overtaken by dust, complacency settles in like morning fog and hope abandons its maker, never to return.

What side of the coin do you live?

"Every Transition Begins With An Ending"

To successfully move through life and appreciate all that it has to offer requires the ability to adapt and change.  We must change when people move in and out of our lives, with the environment, technology and culture because nothing stays the same. 

Unless you want to become a relic, trapped in a past long gone, you must be open to grow.

From daybreak to sunset, we wear many hats that require us to transition from one role to the next. 

In a life span our roles change as well, we go from dependent child to independent adult to an adult with dependents and we end by depending on our dependents.

“The longest day comes to an end” and with it, so does the “good ole days,” when life was sweet, so sweet that we could not let go of it. 

Your time at the top of the corporate ladder will be limited and one day you will have to come down from the top. 

Friday nights at the club will be replaced by play-dates and bedtime stories.

The comfort of owning the only bookstore in town for thirty years will be replaced by fear when the big box store moves down the street. 

Depression will replace self-confidence in the mind of the former superstar athlete who just got cut and replaced by a newer, faster model.

Unable to let go of how things used to be, we cling to them in our hearts and minds.  We dream about it those days, we listen to old songs that carry the memory of good times in between beats and lyrics.   

We protest the “new” and try to convince others to stand vigil with us to keep the times of the past alive.

In the book, Transitions:  Making Sense of Life’s Changes, William Bridges says:

“Every transition begins with an ending.  We have to let go of the old thing before we can pick up the new one–not just outwardly, but inwardly, where we keep our connections to people and places that act as definitions of who we are.”

Our unyielding desire to hold onto to yesterday prevents us from moving toward the gifts that the future holds. 

The world does not have to be as small as you have made it.  Imagine the new possibilities and the opportunity to experience new people and places if you give life a chance.  

New challenges await you, new mountains to climb and new seas to sail if you can just let go.

  

Learn to Solve Problems by Changing The Way You Think

As with most habits, we are programmed to think about things in a certain way.  We approach and try to solve problems by using the same methods.  We rationalize based on habits, environment and training. 

It is easy to get extremely comfortable with the way you do things.  Without knowing it, we become cemented in believing that our answer is the only right and logical answer to a problem.  When our solution does not work, we get frustrated or give up. 

The next time you come against a problem that you cannot easily solve and before you walk away frustrated, try to look at the problem from a different perspective.   Flip the problem upside down, or better yet, you stand on your head, and look at the situation from a different angle, you may just find your solution.

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A few years ago, I was considering buying a bigger house with more closet space to solve my storage problem.  My clothes, shoes and accessories would not fit inside my closet without being crammed in. 

I consulted a professional organizer, bought tubs and bins but nothing worked.  One day, while killing myself, rearranging my closet, trying to find a way to make room for my clothes, I heard a voice whisper, “you do not need a bigger house with a larger closet, you need less stuff.” 

It never occurred to me that I had too much stuff.  However after taking a good look at all my clothes, shoes, coats, jackets and purses, I was shocked to see that I was hording things that I did not need and did not wear. 

I decided to clean out my closet and give away anything that I did not use.  I thought I could be a blessing to someone who needed clothes and shoes, instead of them taking up space in my closet.

If it was not for the voice (who I like to believe was God), I would have never changed my perspective.  I had one way of looking at things and frustrated myself on trying to fix the problem. 

Since, that episode I clean out my closet regularly, which has become a freeing experience.  By giving away things I do not need, I have room for the things that I use; help people in the process and now have fewer items to maintain.

I was listening to a man complain about his chosen profession.  He said he loved what he did and could not imagine himself doing anything else.  However, his business caused him grief because he could not make any “real” money.  He was having a difficult time maintaining his lifestyle with the money that he was earning.  He was frustrated because he tried every way in the book to make his business successful.  

Perhaps he is looking at the situation from the wrong perspective.  His problem might not be about the sum of money he earns but may have to do with lifestyle.

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I was complaining to my husband (he would say I was fussing) about something that he said, that I did not like. 

His response to me was, “change the way you think, so you won’t care about what I say and it won’t bother you.”

So, I said, “you are absolutely right, from now on, I will change how I think and I can careless about ANYTHING you have to say!”

Value Your Time: 8 Ways to Get on Track

 

With online social networking, webinars, blogging, ezine articles to write, digging, stumbling, tweeting, getting delicious, track-backing, showing link love, tagging viral videos, podcasting by being an acrobat, getting LinkedIn, following your Yahoo Group, filming the next boob on the tube, answering e-mails, texting,  skyping it up, ryzing to the top, face down, ninging, pinging, claiming your blog overture, running ad sense, searching for keywords in a cloud, googling  and following the analytics, banner building, and do not forget to leave a comment in this web 2.0 world how can anyone get anything done?

The exhaustive list of tasks does not include life outside the web, like face to face networking, strategic planning, giving presentations, lunch dates or talking business over a cup of Starbucks, etc.  We also cannot forget to spend time with our beloved families and friends.

With all the necessary things that we must do daily, how do we manage our time?  What is the secret of staying on top of all the “must do’s” without losing any brain cells?

The key is valuing your time.  Make every hour, minute and second of each day of your life count.  Protect your time by doing what is important to you:   

1. Stay focused on the bigger picture.  Review your goals, mission and vision often. Schedule your time daily, doing things that bring you closer to your vision.  Learn how to say no to requests that will take you off track. 

2. Make time for the most important things in your life.  Create balance by making a list of the seven most important things to you (family, career, business, spiritual life, health, etc.).   Next, schedule consistent time for those things and protect it.  If 6pm every night is your scheduled playtime with your three year-old son, then keep your commitment.  Do not let him down, he is the priority, the work will be there tomorrow but he will not always be three.  

3. Select your activities carefully.  Before diving into every task on the “must do” list to make your blog, business or career successful, do your research and get involved with one or two groups.  It is better to spend your valuable time building relationships and making a name for yourself.  You will have a better chance of making an impact with a more concentrated effort, than attempting to manage time in several groups where you are a nameless, faceless number among many.  Besides, it will help you maintain your sanity.

4. Set priorities.  Do your most important tasks first, while you are fresh and clear-headed.  Start each day by completing activities, like client projects, that generate most of your income.  Do not become a slave to the phone or e-mail.  Set up specific times daily where you will do your follow up.  Put your “office hours” or return call/ e-mail policy on your website and on your voice mail greeting, so people will have a general ideal of when and how you will respond to their requests.

5. Get the hard stuff out of the way.  When facing a project that you rather not deal with, do not procrastinate.  Tackle it and get it over with.  Whether you realize it or not, putting it off adds to your stress level, because it is always in the back of your mind. 

6. Everything has a place.  It is easier to work when things are in order.  Your time is precious and spending it looking for something that you misplaced on your desk or scrolling through a thousand e-mails are big time wasters.  Take an hour of your time one evening to get organized.  Then practice putting things back in their proper places after you use them, until it becomes a habit.  

7. Break projects into smaller pieces.  You accomplish more when doing things regularly and consistently.  If you have a big project to do, break it into smaller pieces and schedule time to complete each task over a few days or a few weeks.   This method will allow you to see progress without working overtime.

8. Work hard, play hard, then rest.  Our bodies need rest and our minds need time to focus on nothing.  Schedule regular time for fun, so you can distress and refresh between ninging and pinging.